As I sift through my email, my spirit is heavy today. I am full of emotion, which is my normal much of the time. What is not normal is the amount of people who have come to me within the last 72 hours to express their appreciation for my candidness. I don’t know how to be any other way. What you see is what you get- although at times “it” can be a bit messy, but I own it. At least I try to.
Many of the people who have come to me are just as broken as I am. They too are searching for something to numb the pain that's called life. As we search through the crates of our heart, we often find a bunch of things we haven't dealt with. In some instances, things that changed the course of our lives forever.
My crates are heavy, dusty, and screaming for attention, but like most of you I close the lid because if I can't see it then I don’t have to deal with it. However, that’s a lie. Oh, we deal with it. “It” comes out in the form of an overwhelming sense of sadness, despair, addiction, frustration, and so forth.
What we don’t deal with are the people who caused us the pain. We often skirt the issue and smile it off even though it is killing us inside. Literally, stripping us of happiness and peace.
A few years ago, I wrote a letter to my son's father because I wanted to confront the very thing that was preventing from getting the closure I needed. I wrote because the crate got too heavy. I wrote because I wanted him to deal with his own junk. I no longer was going to let him fill my crate. Now that crate is cleared out and I am on to the next.
As I keep clearing out my crates, I have learned:
Stop expecting certain behaviors from the same people. They are who they are.
Stop picking up other people’s junk.
It's okay to love someone from "across the street" because that's the place they have earned in your life. Just smile, wave, and keep walking.
It’s okay to have a bad day. Just don’t camp out there.
Sometimes you just have to let people go because they no longer serve a purpose in your life. It's not mean. It's called growth.
Sometimes you have to walk away in order to conquer the fear that keeps you there.
There isn’t neat and tidy when it comes to the affairs of the heart. Ever.
Are there any "crates" you need to clear out?
Pick it up. Open it. Clear it out. You’ll be okay. I promise.
xo,
B
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